So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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