My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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