Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
