my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When are your genitals available?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
