honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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