I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
