Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
