New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
