remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
one might say we're banned from that church
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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