And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
