I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize