I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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