I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
