haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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