you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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