the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
