I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
