Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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