I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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