Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
