girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
