So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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