It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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