Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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