I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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