I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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