Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's great music for shaving your balls
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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