He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
