forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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