Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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