So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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