Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
