if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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