There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
