What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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