just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
