I wish i was in the wii world.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I AM VODKA MAN
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
