It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
