I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
