:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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