Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
