Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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