mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
