I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is my gift to your gina
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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