it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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