Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
