your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
