She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
