i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
