a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
