I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sober January is a disaster.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
