I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
