Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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