Are we in a gay sports bar?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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