Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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