I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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