We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
