see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
