all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
