Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
