Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize