I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
