is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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