his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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